Under the Bodhi Tree
“I shall sit under this tree and meditate upon my questions. And I shall not move until I have my answers. Even if my skin rots and my body decays, I shall not budge till I see the light.”
I woke this morning to a tender whisper "Under the Bodhi Tree ... " It felt like an answer to a question I didn't know I had. In recent months, I am aware of a constant vigilance. Something soft and quiet, attentive and kind, is aware and when a thought arises, there's an instant stop and the thought disappears. I notice how fast this mind can get going, generating a future that doesn't exist, and then the body follows right close to an emotional reaction. I see so clearly the fantasy of it all ... good or bad and all range in between; it doesn't matter. Something is keeping constant vigil.
What freedom to not finish a thought! "Bu ...., uhh". "What i.... uhh". "I .... uhh". Imagine the mind uttering half a letter, unable to complete its thought. "Wha... uhh." the "uhh" is relief, falling back into stillness. It’s so clear here.
I love the word vigilance. I looked it up in the dictionary and discovered this: "the act of keeping awake when sleep is customary; staying in a place and quietly waiting". When a life has been lived accustomed to sleep, and now it is lived keeping vigil, I recognize I am in a place of choice. The choice to stay here in stillness, or move and follow the thought. Staying still, I experience what I love more than any thought can possibly imagine.
Keep quiet. Wait … and see.”
I wonder if this is what it was like for the Buddha? This happy wonder feels so good, a sweet curiosity, childlike and innocent, a kind of looking into, open to the thrill of not having any idea at all about what, if anything, is here.
Beloved Buddha sat under a tree keeping vigil, waiting quietly with steadfast resolve. He didn't move, no matter what until he was fully awake. I don't know if there is a "final" awakening. There might be. That's a thought that imagines a future. What is true is I don't know. And it feels so good to not know... anything.
All I can say, for now, is that this life is given to sitting quietly under the Bodhi Tree, keeping watch. And here is beauty and fresh surprise, untouched by anything before or after. The One who is still, quiet and unmoving is always here. Open, empty, Love.
I love sitting here with you in you as you for you, my Beloved Master, my Bodhi Tree. I shall forever sit grateful in the shade of your protection as the Unseen unfolds in all its splendor. Keeping watch. And now I can hear the loving timber of Love’s laughter roll through every cell, "Keep quiet. Wait ... and see." What beauty beyond anything the mind can possibly imagine unfolds ... loving so completely, only Love remains.
Under the Bodhi Tree, in the Silence that gives shade, I am alive and free.
Copyright 2022 Linda Floan
